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ITV American Academy of Pediatrics Discovery Health Channel

Brothers and Sisters

As their children grow up, parents are often surprised to discover how different each child is from the others, even though they have grown up in the same family. Of course, differences among siblings are the rule, not the exception. One challenge for parents is to deal with these differences without seeming to favor one child over another.

Except for twins, the most obvious differences among siblings are in age and sex. Differences are also evident in temperament, interests, confidence, resilience, vulnerability, social style, sense of security, achievement in a variety of domains, physical and mental health, rate of physical and sexual maturation and physical appearance. And while diversity and differences may be a source of pride for parents, they may also be a source of confusion and frustration, as well as uneven attention, praise and other displays of affection.

Why They Are Similar and Different
What are the factors that influence your child's personality and other attributes? Two major influences are at work: nature (genetic factors, heredity) and nurture (experience). These interact with each other in ways that are particular to each child. To better understand the similarities and differences among siblings, let's look at both of these factors more closely.

Nature
Because of heredity - the biological or genetic influences of the same two parents on each child - parents might expect their children to be alike. But overall, children have only about a fifty-fifty chance of developing any particular inherited trait (physical appearance, personality, intelligence, aptitudes, health), and even when these traits are present, they can vary.

For instance, researchers have found that siblings tend to be more similar in their physical characteristics than in their likelihood of developing the same diseases. Also, while siblings may resemble one another in their intellectual aptitude and other psychological characteristics early in life, these similarities generally diminish by adulthood, while differences become more pronounced. Even in childhood, siblings with similar levels of intelligence may differ in their school achievement, since academic success can be strongly affected by the different life experiences of each child.

Nurture
Nurture (or experience) refers to the nonhereditary influences on your child's development. They include social factors such as relationships with siblings, peers, parents, and other adults, as well as environmental influences like illnesses, accidents, nutrition and cultural experiences. Other forces come into play as well, including your child's perceptions of herself and others, past experiences, self-expectations and the expectations others have of her.

Siblings share some experiences but have many others that are not shared. While shared experiences generally contribute toward similarities, even a shared experience may affect each child differently. And since most experiences are unshared, they contribute to differences between children too.

In the early school years, for instance, qualities such as intelligence and academic achievement are largely determined by heredity and shared experience. However, as children grow, they have more unshared experiences, which gradually help differentiate one sibling from another. Siblings even perceive and interpret shared events differently, and these different perceptions can be important in shaping a child's development and self-image.

Biological Differences
Age and sex are the most readily apparent differences and similarities among siblings. Older children expect certain privileges, in part due to the greater level of responsibility they are expected to assume in the household. Younger children expect special consideration because they are less independent.

Sometimes parents have difficulty treating children of similar ages differently, even though they realize that each child could<



   


Q: True or False. Elementary school girls are generally full of confidence and self-worth, but many experience a deep decline in their self-esteem as they enter their adolescence.

A: True. Girls suffer a marked decline in self-esteem during their adolescence. In fact, by the time girls enter high school, less than one third of them report being happy with the way they are. Girls are much more likely than boys to say they are not good enough to attain all of their dreams. The experts say parents can counter this thinking by recognizing and reinforcing their daughter's positive traits and by applauding her efforts at every opportunity.





Discovery Health Channel Medem American Academy of Pediatrics The Nemours Foundation