Components of High Self-Esteem

You know your own child better than anyone and should be able to pick up the signs - through behavior and words - if your youngster has a low self-esteem problem. Sometimes, however, you might be too close to her, or you might have difficulty seeing the world through her eyes. In cases like this, teachers, coaches, relatives and friends might be able to help.

No matter what your child's self-esteem may be, your goal should be to help her feel as good as possible about herself. Remain sensitive to what she is feeling, recognize and acknowledge her efforts and gains, and remain flexible and supportive in the way you approach her difficulties. Accept your child as the person she is, and help her feel good about herself and the person she is becoming. Keep in mind that the single most important factor in maintaining a child's self-esteem is the presence of an adult who demonstrates respect and acceptance and who provides support that conveys the message "I believe in you."

For healthy self-esteem, children need to develop or acquire some or all of the following characteristics:

A sense of security.
Your child must feel secure about herself and her future. ("What will become of me?")

A sense of belonging.
Your youngster needs to feel accepted and loved by others, beginning with the family and then extending to groups such as friends, schoolmates, sports teams, a church or temple and even a neighborhood or community. Without this acceptance or group identity, she may feel rejected, lonely, and adrift without a "home," "family" or "group."

A sense of purpose.
Your child should have goals that give her purpose and direction and an avenue for channeling her energy toward achievement and self-expression. If she lacks a sense of purpose, she may feel bored, aimless, even resentful at being pushed in certain directions by you or others.

A sense of personal competence and pride.
Your child should feel confident in her ability to meet the challenges in her life. This sense of personal power evolves from having successful life experiences in solving problems independently, being creative and getting results for her efforts. Setting appropriate expectations, not too low and not too high, is critical to developing competence and confidence. If you are overprotecting her, and if she is too dependent on you, or if expectations are so high she never succeeds, she may feel powerless and incapable of controlling the circumstances in her life.

Since adolescence threatens to diminish individuality, parents should help children discover their unique talents and interests. Support your child in the belief that it is okay to be different - that difference is special and valued. Talk with your youngster about things she likes about herself, and about things you particularly like as well.

A sense of trust.
Your child needs to feel trust in you and in herself. Toward this goal, you should keep promises, be supportive and give your child opportunities to be trustworthy. This means believing your child, and treating her as an honest person.

A sense of responsibility.
Give your child a chance to show what she is capable of doing. Allow her to take on tasks without being checked on all the time. This shows trust on your part, a sort of "letting go" with a sense of faith.

A sense of contribution.
Your child will develop a sense of importance and commitment if you give her opportunities to participate and contribute in a meaningful way to an activity. Let her know that she really counts.

A sense of making real choices and decisions.
Your child will feel empowered and in control of events when she is able to make or influence decisions that she considers important. These choices and decisions need to be appropriate for her age and abilities, and for the family's values.

A sense of self-discipline and self-control
As your child is striving to ach

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TV Show Excerpt - Building Your Child's Self-Esteem